On the Merits (or lack thereof) of a Very Angry Face

Allow me to tell you a story, and let me note that it is a true one.

Today was not the greatest day in the world at work (and I say that not to mean that it was particularly awful, but to simply point out that I have had better ones), and I was eager as ever to get home. As I was walking down the little roadway path thing from the building I work in to the stairs that would take me out of the yard, I approached a man who was walking in the opposite direction, though on the same side of the road as I was (my right, his left). As you may know if you have read other entries on this blog, I have rather strong opinions on that, so to avoid him I moved further to the right, rather than going to my left to give him a wide berth. As we approached one another, it became clear that he had no real intention of moving to his right, so my options were a) move to my left b) move further to the right and thus step off the road way and into the rocks and gravel, or c) go straight ahead and brace for shoulder impact.

Being in no mood to swallow my pride or forfeit my rights to the road, I chose c, and shoulder impact we did. As we both continued on our way, he said some threatening and vulgar things, though I’m not entirely sure what, and I simply made a semi-loud “hmph” sound, though I doubt he actually heard it. And as I walked away, I was pleased with myself; envigorated even. I had stood my ground, and if the jerk wanted a fight I was willing to give him one. I have no idea who he was or whether he worked for Amtrak or one of the many contractor companies, but it didn’t really matter to me.

As I walked further away I dared to look back at him, now barely visible in the dim and and overcast, and I started to think about what had just happened, and the choices I made. And I started to think about the man’s face, so contorted with resentment and bitterness, the face of the kind of man looking for a reason to let out all his misplaced aggression on whoever dared to push his buttons.

It was the exact same face I had.

It came as a bit of a shock. Regardless of whatever “rules of the road” I insist on, I was not in any way more justified or in the right than he was. I had done nothing to avert our little collision, and though I didn’t say anything, I had just as much contempt for him as he had for me. And if either of us were just a little more angry, a little less patient, we could have had a fight right then and there. We could have been those guys who flip out and just attack a stranger for no damn reason.

What kind of person does that? An angry, selfish, uncaring person. The kind of person who makes angry faces, glaring and snarling at everyone he sees, daring them to get in his way. The kind of face I make all the time. But the truth is, as much as I sometimes relish the opportunity to just give up control, I really don’t want to be that person. Despite what all the movies and games tell guys my age, there is nothing glorious, honorable, or manly about being an angry thug who uses intimidation and force to get what he wants. But that’s exactly what I try to do when I scowl at the world (though I doubt it’s half as effective as I want it to be).

So as I walked down the stairs into the subway station, I tried something. I tried to intentionally make sure my face was doing anything but look angry. I stared wide eyed, as if surprised. I whistled and hummed a bit. I think I even sort of smiled here and there. I don’t know whether it was my face or my epiphany, but my sour mood was completely broken in moments, and for the rest of my way home, and even as I write this, I have felt better than I did all day.

So I can’t say for sure that happy or goofy faces have much in the way of merit, but I can say that there is no merit at all in an angry face.

Unless you’re trying to scare off a puma or something. Maybe then it’s okay.

Movie Review: The Woman in Black

So reasons I can only attribute to innate masochism, I continue to see horror movies despite the fact that the very genre is in the grips of its own death throes; much like the undying killers that dominate the genre, Horror has seemingly died, and has gotten back up for the final scare. Any second now our beautiful young protagonist, hoarse from screaming, will stab or shoot him again and end this farce once and for all.

In between these final spasms, which disturb the otherwise tidy and symmetrical  pools of congealing blood, however, one may occasionally find a horror flick worth staring at for two hours whilst their face chews on popcorn or nachos. I believe The Woman in Black is just such a movie.

Taking place in the Grim Darkness of Victoria-style England, filthy streets and all, The Woman in Black stars Harry Potter as a depressed laywer type guy named Author Kipps who, years after the fact, is still in mourning over his wife. Like all movie dads with dead wives, he can’t keep it together and is failing at both career and fatherhood. Men take note; if you do ever get married, your wife dying will ruin your life pretty much forever. The only exception is if you find yourself in a romantic comedy and your stupid kids try to set you up with whatever woman they think would be the best mom. Then you live happily ever after.

Anyways, back to the movie: Harry Potter goes to some ugly and no doubt smelly sea town to sort out the affairs of a dead woman and her very large house that occupies it’s own island of a few acres. From there the creepiness and haunting begin.

And creepiness this movie has. The Woman in Black has it all; girls playing with dolls, a crow, superstitious townsfolk, horrifying toys, and the occasional death. This movie closely follows the rules of ghost stories, including having a mystery of why the ghost does what it does, and how one might set right what is wrong. It’s not entirely formulaic, though, and breaks a few rules to great effect.

Though there are deaths (primarily children), I wouldn’t call this a violent movie. There’s a bit of blood, but there is no gore or physical altercations, so it’s great if you want something that will freak you out and keep you in suspense without actually making you sick.

I think Daniel Radcliffe did a good job in this film. There are many child stars who can’t make the jump from their child stardom to continuing their work as an adult, but I think Radcliffe is doing great so far. He looks rather young in this movie, but he’s supposed to be a young dude so it’s okay.

I would recommend this movie to anyone who likes a good ghost story without the gunk most movies bury their ghost stories with, dirty pre Great War England, Daniel Radcliffe, or who thinks horror isn’t dying. I still think it is, but this movie might be evidence to the contrary.

Movie Review: The Grey

So I saw this movie today, primarily to fill a 4-hour gap between work and bowling, but I also wanted to see on it’s own merits. And I can say with no uncertainty that I was not disappointed.

The Grey is about Liam Neeson’s character, who is a depressed Irish dude working as a wolf hunter at an Alaskan oil thing. Honestly, aside from the part where he knows wolves and is no longer with the love of his life, the beginning isn’t particularly important. Then he and a bunch of other guys who work at the place are on a plane, probably flying back to the Continental US, and it crashes. You already knew about that part because it’s in all the trailers, and in all the pictures Liam Neeson is covered in snow. What follows is a harrowing tale of survival for the several men who survived the crash.

Maybe it was just because I was sitting near the front and therefore the movie screen filled almost the entirety of my field of vision, but I found the movie exceedingly gripping. It’s not truly an action film (I don’t care what IMDB says), though there is plenty of action. Survival horror comes much closer to describing it, but that’s a video game genre and not a movie genre, and horror demands a certain threshold of surrealism that this movie’s antagonists (snow and wolves) fails to provide. On the topic of realism, I found The Grey to be a particularly realistic film, if not in the events themselves, than certainly in the characters’ reactions to them. Men cry, freak out, put up tough fronts, and plenty of other things that happen to men when pushed to their limit. Naturally, the hero and grimly determined but still compassionate hero is Liam’s character, with the other men showing varying levels of humanity.

While surviving against all odds and clinging to hope and faith are important themes in this movie, I would say that more important still is the inevitability of death, despair, and how old faces their doom. ”Once more into the fray. Into the last good fight I’ll ever know. Live and die on this day. Live and die on this day.” This is a poem that appears in the movie, encapsulating the essence of the film. When death comes for you, will you lie down and wait for him, or will you grab whatever weapon you can find and run snarling into battle?

This is a grim and bleak film, filled with violence and death, both of humans and animals. You will see gore. It’s seemingly a manly movie, but I think any woman who appreciated Hurt Locker would like this one as well. If you have a taste for dark films with a bit of bleak humor, you should definitely see this movie.

Movie Review: Red Tails

If, before having seen this movie, you asked me who the Tuskegee Airmen were, I’d tell you that they were this all-black group of fighter pilots who were awesome at what they did. I would then waver about whether they were in World War II or some later war. After having seen this movie, I can now tell you with absolute certainty that they were in World War II. That is the only thing the movie taught me, because movies are for entertainment, not facts. Facts are found in books, and sometimes the Internet if you look hard enough.

Does Red Tails do its job of being a movie and keeping you watching the screen instead of your secretly turned on cell phone? Yes. Is it a good movie? I would say yes to this as well. Is it a great movie, the kind that should win awards? Not at all, really. Yes, it is great that George Lucas was willing to make a movie with an almost exclusively black cast, but apparently he had once again made the mistake of having something to do with the details of the movie. It is a George Lucas movie. Not as bad as Episodes II or III, thankfully, but it’s no Episode V.

I found the dialogue to be hit and miss. Sometimes it was great, other times I nearly groaned aloud. I don’t know if some of the more groan-inducing characters were just supposed to be intensely dull and bad at everything but flying, or if the 40s was just a great time for painfully straightforward and over acted wording or what. Fortunately, it gets better as the movie progresses, but that also means that the first several minutes are kind of awful. Plug your ears until the first ground scene and you won’t be missing anything.

The characters themselves are good for the most part, though the film leaves no ambiguity as to who you are supposed to be rooting for and who you are supposed to boo. Like pretty much everything about World War II it’s not a film that you’re supposed to think about. You simply know what you are supposed to think, or you are a racist and have no idea what you are seeing this movie for. Luckily the designated heroes aren’t difficult to like. True to Lucas form, there are exactly two female characters in the entire movie; the Italian love interest to one of the fighter pilots, and her mother who shows up in one scene and never again (not to imply that the former shows up very often).

Though a war movie, there are very few deaths on the side of the protagonists, though there are plenty of explosions, because I guess fighter plane bullets explode on impact or something. I’m no munitions expert.

I know it may sound like I am harping on this movie a lot, and perhaps I am, but that is only because I expected it to be really great, instead of merely good. I don’t think anyone reading this review will regret going to see the movie. And if you like the idea of predominantly black casts in movies targeted towards non-black audiences, then you kind of have to see this movie, because going to see a movie is the only way to let producers know that you want more like it.

Movie Review: Beauty And The Beast 3D

Disney knows exactly how to make an extra few million, and I know exactly how to help them out.

Much like The Lion King re-release, I found that I enjoyed the movie a good deal more now as an adult than I did as a child. The details stuck out more, the little bits of humor caught my attention more easily, and at no point did I feel bored and wander off to play video games.

The transition to 3D was once again handled well, though I wonder if it was actually as well done as it was with The Lion King 3D. I suspect the dissonance has a lot to do with the significantly different art style that Beauty And The Beast has. While The Lion King prided (ha!) itself on the stunning detail and realism of their landscapes and talking animals (lions with thumbs aside), everything about Beauty And The Beast is like a painting or tapestry.  While they are marvels of animation that we really won’t get to experience ever again, seeing the characters pop out from the scenery led to a different sort of feel than The Lion King 3D.

Beauty And The Beast is very much a Disney film. You have your “princess”, who is beautiful but doesn’t fit in to her society’s expectations and wants more out of life than what she would get if she just stuck to everyone else wants, then she meets her “prince” (often actually royalty), conflict happens, and eventually they live happily ever after. There is, however, one important difference in Beauty And The Beast that sets is apart from its peers; the prince.

With apologies, Belle just isn’t that compelling of a character. She loves her father and books, and isn’t superficial. That’s basically all there is to her. The only growth she undergoes throughout the movie is she maybe becomes a little more bold, but even that is a stretch. Despite what the dolls and marketing may tell you, I would say that the movie isn’t really about her at all. Much like Aladdin, the real main character is the male lead.

The Beast is the character who undergoes the most radical transformation by far; from a brooding selfish monster to the kind and caring soul that can win the love of our not-superficial princess. He is also easily the most compelling. Rare is the Disney film where we see a character so complex and conflicted, since he’s not just an angry lout but also clearly self-loathing and deeply depressed. Nor is he quickly fixed by just picking himself up by the bootstraps; it is only through the constant prodding of his servants that he starts to make any changes to his behavior and let his guard down long enough to be something more noble than a beast. But when he lets Belle go free, he snaps back into his depression, convinced that he’s not only lost his once chance at humanity, but more importantly that he has lost Belle. I get the feeling that despite Disney’s insistence at the happily ever after, these bouts of depression and doubt are going to haunt the Beast-turned-Prince for years to come.

The obvious inversion of The Beast is Gaston, who despite his handsome exterior is little more than a dim-witted thug, who we see become more vile and monstrous over the same progression that we see the Beast become more human. It’s simplistic, but I appreciate things like this in stories.

I suppose it is fairly obvious that I identify strongly with The Beast, though mostly in the negative attributes. Here’s hoping I can become human without locking a princess away in my castle.

All in all, Beauty And The Beast is a great, though simplistic, movie and a shoe-in for anyone who likes Disney, romance, or monsters with character development. You should probably go see it while it is in theaters.

Movie Review: Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol

There are two things I do not generally do. One of those is going to see a movie that isn’t the first in its series when I have not seen the previous movie, because I like to believe that there are important details that I won’t understand. The other thing is review movies that have already been out for a while. Tonight, I will and/or have done both.

I went to see the new Mission Impossible movie for lack of a better way to spend my Friday afternoon/evening. The alternative was playing either DC Universe Online or Space Marine, and neither idea appealed to me at the moment of my split second impulsive decision. The other alternative was walking all the way home, and while that is a sort of fun, I was wearing my super coat and its just not cold enough today/tonight to walk six miles in it.

Having thoroughly braced you for impact, let us proceed.

I liked the movie a lot. Despite having never seen a Mission Impossible movie, nor the television series (I think it was a television series), it took absolutely no mental acrobatics on my part to figure out who was who and what was going on. Tom Cruise is the main hero dude and all around super guy, and the other guys are his cohorts and/or friends. They are important, but pale in comparison to Tom Cruise because they weren’t producers of the movie like he was.

Despite by all appearances being a simple and formulaic action fest, the likes of which we have all seen approximately one zillion times, Ghost Protocol kept me in suspense, and then it kept me guessing. Having no emotional attachment to the characters I was never “floored”, but pretty much every twist and turn caught me by surprise. You know (spoiler alert) that the good guys will win somehow, but you’ll never know how until it finally happens. You’ll never know what plans will succeed and what ones will fail. You’ll never know how much more punishment everyone can take before they finally go down. I appreciate that in a movie. I have seen too many that, if they were sporting championships, would have made me a great deal of money. This is not one of them.

Tom Cruise, in case you hadn’t gotten it already, is as delightful an action hero as always. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie starring him that I didn’t at least mostly enjoy. Not sure if I know who Jeremy Renner is, but he was great too. Simon Pegg was great comic relief, though I could also take him seriously when he was being serious. Paula Patton was the girl of the group, and unlike several movies where the girl is useless and sexy she manages to be useful and sexy, and not just useful because she was sexy, which was another plus. Certainly more empowering than anything I’ve ever seen on the so-called “Television For Women”.*

I highly recommend seeing the movie if you enjoy action, suspense, and just the right touch of humor here and there. If you hate Tom Cruise, get over that because it’s only making your life worse.

*My sister and I used to watch Lifetime Original Movies together, and treated them as comedies. It didn’t help that the same six actresses were in all of them.

New Year’s Resolutions For 2012

It occurs to me that most people don’t make resolutions anymore, citing their failure rate and the fact that they are boring jerks who hate themselves and the world. That second part they say in their head. Usually.

Being neither boring nor bearing any particular hatred towards the planet, I still make resolutions. I make damn awesome resolutions. I have not made a New Year’s Resolution since 2009, but today I do it once more!

1. Get a driver’s licence.

2. Punch Frankie Muniz in the face.

3. Vastly increase my punching power through work-outs and exercizes.

4. Lose 5 pounds a month for the next six months.

5. Punch Frankie Muniz in the gut.

6. Introduce yet another invasive species to Australia.

7. Become slightly less misanthropic/apparently misanthropic.

8. Get rid of the stuff I don’t have any use of anymore.

9. Punch Frankie Muniz in the throat.

10. Become better friends with lawyers, just in case Frankie Muniz is a person with civil and natural rights.

11. Find a way to create a hybrid of prehistoric dragonflies and prehistoric spiders, thus teaching humanity to fear once more.

12. Write/blog more often.

13. Play video games less often, especially when I could be doing something productive.

14. Avoid chemical dependency for at least another year (starting to push it with caffeine).

15. Avoid assaulting anyone for at least another year (Frankie Muniz notwithstanding).

16. Eat less fast food.

17. Order less calorie-dense foods when I do eat fast food.

18. Understand this human emotion you call “love”.

19. Avoid getting fired for at least another year.

20. Punch Frankie Muniz in the junk.

Epilogue: Holy crap Frankie Muniz is a racecar driver! And a drummer! Who should I senselessly hate now?

2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,700 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 28 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

AJBulldis’s Top Ten Posts Of 2011

I am 100% certain this is a great idea, because everyone else in the entire Internet is doing the exact same thing. Or has already done so. A while ago. I would have myself, but it seems to be tempting fate. You make a list on like December 20, put the top ten things on it, and then suddenly on December 30 some item gets usurped by another item entirely. That’s the kind of embarrassment I can do without.

So without further ado, here are the top ten posts of my blog for this year.

#10. http://ajbulldis.wordpress.com/2011/12/13/wherein-i-muse-about-masochism-through-the-medium-of-rapid-and-sustained-leg-movement/

One of my more recent posts, this one dealt primarily with the lessons I learned from learning how to run, what I’m capable of, and how far I have to go. Through the rest of the winter, it will be very tempting to put it off entirely, but hopefully I will come back to this post and guilt myself into sticking with it as best I can until some kind of group run thing happens again.

#9. http://ajbulldis.wordpress.com/about/

Okay, what is even up with this? Not that I mind people attempting to learn more about me, but I would have hoped something cooler like Grocery Shopping Adventures would have been up here. Oh well, such is life.

#8. http://ajbulldis.wordpress.com/2011/09/22/am-i-troy-davis/

I wrote this post fairly soon after Troy Davis’ execution. I believe it was an important experience for me to watch this story as it developed. Not necessarily because I think he was innocent. Truthfully, that had little to do with it, but the mere exposure to it all helped me crystallize my own thoughts on capital punishment, and as the months went on, our entire retribution-based justice system. We as a country have a long way to go.

#7. http://ajbulldis.wordpress.com/2011/08/30/movie-review-conan-the-barbarian/

This was my first movie review on this blog, and it’s kind of sad that it remains the most popular, because it wasn’t even a very good movie. Drive was much better. I think my review of Drive was a better review too. Oh public, why you so fickle?

#6. http://ajbulldis.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/a-response-to-why-does-america-have-so-many-peter-pan-men/

This is a post I like a lot as a concept, rather than as a specific example of something I’m proud to have written. I think I should attempt more counter-blogging in 2012.

#5. http://ajbulldis.wordpress.com/2011/08/31/the-savage-pitch-of-conan/

What the hell is wrong with you people? My crappy Conan/Baseball crossover fan fiction got more views than the actual review of the movie. It got more views than my About page. Sigh…

#4. http://ajbulldis.wordpress.com/2011/08/29/time-to-blog/

My very first post on this blog, so it actually makes sense that a bunch of views would happen. I’ve fallen spectacularly short on the promises I made that day, but I still think they were good promises. No real intention of living them out in 2012, but I’ll keep up the blogging nevertheless.

#3. http://ajbulldis.wordpress.com/

Yes, the home page is #3. I don’t even know what to think of that.

#2. http://ajbulldis.wordpress.com/2011/09/01/pudding-face-is-horrible-and-needs-to-die/

A wonderful example of how blogging about something that gets a lot of searches will get you a lot of views. This page has more views than #4 and everything below that combined. I stand by the sentiment espoused in this post 100%; it was just a terrible terrible idea. As of this posting, that page is the first result if one Googles pudding face horrible, and among the first 10 results if you just Googles pudding face.

#1. http://ajbulldis.wordpress.com/2011/10/11/svedka-i-dont-want-your-vodk-or-your-robot-women/

And this is an even better example. Like it’s pudding face brother, this page is also one of the first results should one Google svedka robot. I know it means nothing other than a good choice of searchable words on my part, but I’m still kind of proud of it.

So that is that I guess.

Christmas Trip: The Part Where I’m Not Actually On A Trip Because I Didn’t Go Anywhere

Saturn’s Day

2:55 PM: Having completed my most productive day of work for the entire week, I clock out using my magic name tag, and depart for home. I pass two of the managers on the way out, and say absolutely nothing to them as I do so, but in all fairness they didn’t say anything to me either. You can hold my taciturn ways against me when others act the same way.  Stop judging me!

3:0X: As I enter Queens Plaza Station, I notice that both the E Train and the R Train are at the platform. Almost as though it were an elaborate joke, the doors of both trains close just as I am descending the stairs, and depart soon thereafter. Cursing under my breath, I start pacing the platform, wondering when the next train will arrive. As I am doing so, I can’t help but notice that there are an awful lot of people waiting around here. People that by all counts should have gotten on one of those trains. Particularly attention grabbing were the number of Asians in olde timee clothes, as well as the astonishing number of cameras everyone, Asian or otherwise, was holding.

3:1X: As luck would have it, the mystery of every situation is neatly solved by the arrival of the most unusual train of subway cars I have ever seen. They looked so…old. Was it a trash run? Some kind of bizarre emergency thing? Oh no, none of those things. It was the special olde timee Holiday Train, that I knew absolutely nothing about, but that everyone else here had been waiting patiently for. Following the lead of everyone else, I board the train and travel several decades into the past.

The train was pretty much the best and most amusing thing ever. The cars had odd colored floors, cushioned chairs, actual fans installed in the ceiling (some working, others not) and adorning the walls were all sorts of olde timee advertisements for things like U.S. Bonds, floating school, announcements for events from several decades ago, an old schedule telling me how long it would take to travel from station to station along what is now the A Line (which was a bit odd because this train was travelling along the M line). There was even an ad for the Miss Subway Contest, deciding who the most beautiful subway rider was. Also the fair was about 15 cents at one point. That would be cool if it were still the case.

As we traveled along, some people got on and off, while others just stared incredulously at the rolling anachronism. Eventually it stopped at the 2nd Avenue Station.

3:4X: Growing bored and impatient, I decide to leave the magic time train and go home, jumping on an F train as it comes into the station. I get off at the next stop, believing it to be West 4th Street Station. It is not. Annoyed and still too impatient to just sit still and wait for the next train, I decide I’m just going to walk somewhere for a little bit. Maybe catch a taxi. I just really hate standing around waiting and not moving or doing anything. I don’t pretend to be rational.

3:5X: Walking Northish, I take in the sights and sounds of a city with a depleted population (thankfully there was little in the way of smells). I walk past some part of NYU, and remark to myself “oh there it is”. At some point, I encounter a thrift store named Monk’s or something. It is the sort of place you see on hipster TV shows or hipster movies, where you can find something totally awesome that you didn’t even know you wanted. Sadly, life is neither a TV show nor a movie, and I am far too heavyset and my glasses rims too thin to be a hipster. The only thing that catches my attention is an old flask, and I don’t drink nearly enough to make use of it. Sides it was $35 and I’m not paying that much just for the novelty of some Christmas Eve thrift shopping.

4:0X: I walk through Washington Square Park, and it then occurs to me that I am the only one in the whole city not wearing a jacket or coat of any sort. Then I punch the Washington Arch a few times before heading on my way.

4:0X: I decide to see a movie, and start heading towards where I think the one near Union Square is. Despite not being completely sure where it is, I manage to find it anyways. Then I go see The Muppets. It’s a great movie. Some people brought their children to see it. They clearly didn’t appreciate it as much as I did. In fact they barely laughed at all. Freaking kids. What, do parents think they will enjoy a movie just because it has puppets in it? This isn’t freaking Sesame Street. Sure The Muppets are still family-friendly, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to have nothing but dumbed down physical humor that kids will actually comprehend, let alone enjoy. Don’t take kids to see The Muppets. They are too dumb to enjoy it.

6:XX: The movie ends. I don’t stick around to see if there is anything after the credits because I have to pee pretty badly. Then I leave and get on the N or R or Q train to head towards home. I don’t really remember which one it was.

6:XX: I get off at Herald Square, because the plan is to then ride a B or D train further North, where then I’ll switch to an A or C train at some point. I get impatient again, though, and leave. I hear a train arrive as I finish ascending the stairs, and I tell myself that it can’t possibly be one of the trains I wanted.

6:XX: I take a cab home, because screw rationality and sound spending habits. I give a 20% tip because screw miserly behavior.

6:3X: I am home now, and proceed to run the single best D&D game over an IRC thing in the history of ever. Nothing but murder and in-jokes. The only thing missing was a bunch of pizza and soda.

Sun’s Day

12:XX: I go to bed.

10:XX: I get out of bed.

10:XX: I play some DC Universe Online, but don’t really accomplish much aside from arresting The Ultra-Humanite. You either know who that is or you don’t. Eventually I shower and eat breakfast and such.

11:xx: It finally occurs to me that I never picked up my laundry yesterday.

12:XX: I go pick up my laundry.

12:XX: I leave my apartment to go to the movies, having decided to go ahead and see The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

1:0X: I spend way too long in the concession stand line. Luckily I wasn’t behind the woman next to me, because I swear she took like ten minutes to decide to just buy freaking water. At that point I come up with the brilliant plan of having a separate line just for people getting popcorn and soda, thus leaving more elaborate items for other lines, and getting everyone through the lines faster as a result. On second though being in that woman’s line might have been better after all, because the guy who took my order was kind of a jerk who tried to sell me a pretzel when I distinctly said Nacho Combo. I mean come on. Those don’t even sound alike.

1:1X: I finally get into the movie theater with my snacks in hand. Since saying excuse me is beneath me, I just climb over some seats to get to where I want to sit. I then proceed to watch The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, which is a lot different than The Muppets. I  recommend children not see this movie as well.

4:0X: I get out of the theater, and get on the A Train. At 59th Street, however, I get back off because for some reason I feel like walking home. Probably because of all the nachos and such.

6:0X: I get home slightly faster than Google Maps thinks I should have. Suck it Google. I even took a small break to buy some Dunkin Donuts hot chocolate. And a donut.

6:4X: I start writing this very blog post. That’s meta and cool, right?