Watch where you are going

Originally I was going to write a review of Drive today. I just got back from seeing it, and was all excited about writing out my thoughts on it, as well as what it made me think. However, I made the fateful decision to walk part of the way home instead of immediately jumping on the subway. At no point did I really have an idea in mind of where I was going to walk to, so I just kept walking. Along the way I saw a protest against the execution of some Troy guy. I had to ask another bystander with a camera who he even was, and he gave me the short of it. He sounded British, or at least Mid-Atlantic. I kind of hope he was British, just so he can think about the dumb American who doesn’t even know what is going on in his own stupid country. Maybe cynicism will be his anti-drug (does Britain have a drug problem?).

Anyways, eventually I got to the point where I just decided to walk all the way into Queens, via the Queensboro Bridge (which for some reason is now named after Ed Koch, who I only know as being one of the judges on The People’s Court, which I only remember as a somewhat less entertaining version of Judge Judy).

Now, the Queensboro Bridge has a pedestrial/bicycle path that runs along side the lower roadway. The path is divided into two parts; the walking path and the bicycle path. While there is no physical line providing further separation, the symbols at the start of the paths clearly note that the walking and biking paths work much like an American two-way street does; you stay on the side that is your subjective right hand side.

Does this all make sense to you? If so, you are about a thousand times smarter than 99% of the people who use that path.

Fraking bikers, stay on your own fraking side. You are on a relatively high velocity self-propelled mechanism that can cause a not insignificant amount of injury to both the operator and other people if operated incorrectly. Operating the machine correctly means staying on your own fraking side. You have your own side, and there aren’t that many of you. There is absolutely no excuse for what you do, and every time you do it you are lucky you haven’t just encountered a belligerent psycho who will knock you over and crush your skull in. I am not that psycho, and for that you should be eternally grateful.

They can’t be given all the blame, however, because the pedestrians are really just as bad. No one who walks across a bridge is a gigantic fraking whale. None of you need the entire lane to yourselves. So stay to your right. Not that hard. If you are passing someone, make it quick and get back where you belong. If you drove like that, you would be arrested and mocked (this might be why you are walking across the bridge, actually). And no, being a jogger does not give you any free passes to poor behavior either. I don’t care how retarded you look flailing your arms about while you huff your way up the hill. Your half of the lane was wide fraking open, you idiot. At what point did you think it was a good idea to play chicken with me? I should have tossed your gas-huffing freak self into the East River. And then, instead of going in the lane where you belong? You go in the bicycle lane. I hope you ran right into one of the inconsiderate bikers, and I hope you sent each other to the emergency room and made gave some young resident some much needed insight as to what morons look like, since he was unlikely to see very many of them in medical school.

I’ve seen people lose their minds over more inconsequential stuff than this, so I’m really providing a public service here. Walk, jog, and bike in the right place, before you run into someone or someone runs a knife through your skull, because there are some serious crazies in this city, and chances are one of them likes to walk across bridges, and he’s not going to blog about what ticks him off like I do.

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2 Responses to Watch where you are going

  1. Pingback: Movie Review: Drive « Bulldis in a China Shop

  2. Vinny Bove says:

    My road rage turned into pedestrian rage when I moved to the city, and now it looks like I may one day have to deal with bridge rage. Thanks for the “fraking” heads-up.

    In other news, Ed Koch was the mayor of NYC in the ’80s. Then again, you probably knew that by now, what with your mastery of the interwebs and all.

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