Texas Trip 2011: The Part Where I End Up In Texas

Saturn’s Day

3:0X AM: I am alerted to the fact that it is wake up time by my cellular phone. I am fairly certain I was already awake at that point. Briefly, I weigh the pros and cons of just lying down for another five to twenty minutes, but then I remember that I need to be at work early so I can leave early and catch my plane.

5:XX: Despite the best efforts of the Metropolitan Transit Authority, I make it to work. For breakfast I have a snickers bar and a bottle of Cherry Coke, because there aren’t any bottles of Dr Pepper left in the vending machine. Who drank it all? What is their home address? Do they have an assortment or knives or guns to defend themselves? These are the questions that plague my consciousness, subconsciousness, unconsciousness, and perhaps my superconsciousness, if I in fact have one. I suppose I could have walked to a different vending machine in hindsight.

11:0X: Order “Chinese” for lunch. General Tso’s Chicken lunch special with white rice, an egg roll, and some fries. I only get the fries because free delivery is a $6 minimum, and the General Tso’s is only $5.50. With it I drink my last can of that not-s0-great low calorie Dr Pepper. It’s passable, but I’d rather drink the real stuff and just walk home or punch a wall for half an hour than spare myself the calories.

1:XX: Depart from my work environment and begin wandering the surrounding streets, hoping to hail a taxi cab. After several false leads, I end up locking eyes with a limo driver. A point and a nod is all that is needed to communicate the point. I tell him I am heading to LaGuardia Airport, he asks which airline, and I tell him American. No further communication required.

1:3X: Arrive at LaGuardia. While I suspected limo guy would charge me some absurd amount of money for his services, his price was actually reasonable enough that I saw fit to tip him. What I don’t know is if I brought him out of the way of his final destination…or played right into his hands…

2:0X: Get to my gate. As I am filled with Chinese, I feel no need to acquire additional overcharged foodstuffs, and instead sit down and start playing Super Mario 3D Land on my 3DS. No one dares sit anywhere near me, not even the woman with the drugged up dog. Especially not her. They all know who I am, and their fear is justified.

2:40X: Board the plane. I am frequently fortunate when it comes to seating, in that I am not placed along side another gigantic dude. And since I had an aisle seat, I only had to sit to one person at all. I plug my earphones into the earphone jack things, and without an ideal station to listen to the whole way, I am forced to switch back and forth between the classical music station and what appears to be the music from other countries that doesn’t have lyrics station (fairly certain that its precise name).

3:XX: We are flying through the air without a single care. This plane is equipped with little television screens, which means that A) there is an in-flight movie and B) you’re going to have a heck of a time trying to not watch the in-flight movie. The movie in question? Monte Carlo, which is about Vanessa Hudgens and some other girls stealing the identity of some other girl who might also be Vanessa Hudgens and living the high life, and then falling in love with some dudes and some interspersed hijinks here and there. About half-way through I change my audio back to the foreign music station, as I could follow the entire plot of the movie without a single lick of dialogue. For some reason I keep thinking one of the girls is either Kristen Stewart or Christina Ricci, but IMDB tells me it is someone named Leighton Meester. Also this movie only came out this year, yet I never heard of it. Can’t imagine how that happened. Surely a movie with this sort of target demographic would have been advertised at the sort of movies a young white male such as myself would go see!

X:XX: This flight just doesn’t end. What the hell.

X:XX: I dehydrate and die. Seriously this entire flight is absurd and warm and gross and I hate it and then I died.

6:2X: We finally land and get off. I inform my sister of my presence in TX, but she is caught in traffic. I get some water, a large bag of Peanut M&M’s and play more Super Mario 3D Land while I wait.

6:XX: Don’t even remember when, but I get called and Samantha says she’s almost there and in a black car. I head out to meet her, accidentally walking towards the first black car I see, which is full of fat blonde people (two things Samantha has managed to never be). I end up finding her, and we get caught behind a bus. For several minutes.

To Be Continued…

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