Job Type Stuff
July 11, 2013 5 Comments
*This blog post is Rated R for language*
So as people who know me in real life all know, about two months ago my job underwent a dramatic shift. Instead of working normal person daylight hours as a secretary, I suddenly started working overnight hours as a shop clerk. Incidentally, this is exactly how I originally started when I was first hired by Amtrak back in February 2007. So not only a demotion in all but name, but a complete negation of anything that could be considered progress in this “career” of mine.
This has of course been cause for some frustration for me. I’ve attempted to soldier on, be grateful I have a job (after all, so many millions of Americans don’t apparently), try to see the positive sides (I get my own office), all the usual things you’re supposed to do when less than ideal situations come one’s way.
Naturally, a question I often get is “how are you adjusting to the new schedule?” And in the interest of polite conversation, I am forced to answer with things like “it’s not as bad as I thought it would be” or “yeah I got used to the new sleep schedule pretty easily”. Which is of course exactly what people want to hear. Yes, I’m sure they legitimately care (or at least most do), but it’s a lot easier for everyone if I am doing just fine and don’t have any real complaints.
What I can’t say, what I’m not allowed to say under any circumstances, is how I actually feel about it. There is simply no way I can tell someone that I fucking hate this job and everything about it, that it’s humiliating to have fallen right back to square one, and that I feel absolutely nothing but bitterness and rage about everything related to it. No, I have to be grateful, grit my teeth, and put a fucking smile on my face, and say “oh it’s not so bad. I’m a bit disappointed, yeah, but I’m sure there’s a silver lining to all of this.” I see no fucking silver lining and I’m pretty sure there isn’t one.
Fuck Amtrak. Just, fuck it. Six years I’ve worked here, and for what? Another round of sleepless day after sleepless day until I finally snap at the worst possible time in the worst possible way, probably on someone who doesn’t even deserve it. If I weren’t such a coward I would have quit already.
Well, this got me to update the blog. So I guess THAT’S a good thing. Whoopity-doo.